I promise to get to the actual dating stories soon. But I need you to fully appreciate how difficult it is to find someone normal enough to meet in person in the first place.
I spend a lot of time simply screaming inside my head, “Did you even read my profile?” One of the perils of “free” online dating sites is that anyone can contact you, as opposed to services like eHarmony that match you up and only allow people who you are matched with to send you messages (although, so far I think the eHarmony matching process might be a little sketchy). Even though my profile clearly says I am looking for a man in a specific age range who is not a Republican and interested in marriage and children, anyone on the other end may choose to message me without reading that information or in spite of it. For example:
FWB_NIGHTS wrote (typos and misspellings all his):
Going for bold and honest. Mature, real, bold, responces only please.
I am not from the area (out of state) and will be flying in, and staying in the (redacted) area from Monday night thru Weds night (16-18, of APRIL)
Looking for honest, adult, FWB situation. No worries, Im not married. Thought I would try to take advantage of the stranger fantasy, and would like great company on the evenings I am not in conferences. I do come to the area about 6 times a year. Tired of being bored at night.
Be bold, honest, and EMAIL ME!
Miss July: Thanks, but no thanks. Did you even read my profile?
I have photography listed as a hobby/interest. “Salox” obviously did read part of my profile because he wrote:
hi there. I was wondering if you were a professional photographer, and if so, so you ever do erotic photography?
Miss July: Gross. (By the way, this guy was…let’s just say WAY outside of my age range too.)
Speaking of folks outside my age range, TNMAN62 writes:
Hi, how are you. I like your profile.
Miss July: Why? Do I remind you of your daughter?
And my favorite, this gem, from an eHarmony guy we’ll call “C” which inspired me to call Miss November and ask her if I was being punked (crimes against grammar and misspellings all his):
Subject: If you aren’t careful you are going to loose me
I see you work in nonprofit, but you can profit from this advice. I’m just kidding trying to get your attention. I like your profile and pretty photos.
So, tell me something about yourself that is not in your profile. What was it about my profile that made you think we might be a good match?
I think you nice looking face with pretty eyes. I notice you are into politics. I am very educated with this subject. I enjoy talking about it. I do not affiliate with any party. I know a lot about behind the scenes of parties not reported in America. There is a goal to move into a one world system that isn’t a good thing when you know the details of things said and new laws. It looks Biblical.I think it is good how you are neither Republican or Democrat which kinda shows you don’t fall into the party hoopla and think for yourself. I beleive we will have some good conversations. Thank you for contacting me. Please, contact me back.
Once again…did you read my profile? To be fair, I guess my profile doesn’t exactly say I’m a Democrat, but it does say I’m liberal and don’t think I’d be a good match for someone who is very conservative politically. So, I am not sure why he decided I was nonpartisan. I nearly wrote him back again just to mess with him, but then I worried he might be unstable or something. You never know. At the very least, I am looking for someone who can use spell-check and makes sense when he talks, and this guy is clearly not that someone. Close Match, eHarmony.