What are the chances of me getting to know you?

I recently got a message from a guy that said: “What are the chances of me getting to know you?” So I went to check out his profile. What I found was…interesting. He stated he was looking for a professional woman who wanted a man who will take care of her. As in, he will do all the cooking/cleaning/etc. He also stated he spends a lot of time thinking about his next “career.” Which… to me sounds like he actually wants a woman to take care of him-financially. Now, I don’t know if that assumption is correct, because I didn’t reply to his message. It also sounds like he’s soon to be unemployed, if he’s not already, and I am not in the market to become a sugar mama. To answer his question…slim to none, honey, slim to none.

What’s irritating about online dating is the time spent deleting emails from 90% of the people that contact me, because they obviously haven’t read my profile, which states clearly: While I’m not looking to rush into anything, I’m ultimately looking to get married and have children. I’ll be honest, I don’t reply to very many people. Not because I have some superiority complex, but because I have standards and I’m not willing to settle. OK, so maybe I have a teeny bit of a superiority complex.

Here’s a little free advice. Here are Miss July’s top 5 tips for getting a girl (or at least, me) to respond to your online dating site email:

1. Write in complete sentences. This means your profile of course, but more important, your message to me. Shorthand may be OK for text messaging, but I need to make sure you know how to read and write and spell somewhat. Plus, it is hard to learn more about you, and whether you are someone I’d like to meet, if you can’t talk about yourself and your interests clearly or if I can’t figure out what you are trying to say.

2. Your message should have a beginning, middle, and end. I will not respond to one word messages. If you can’t think of anything else to say besides “hi” then it makes me think that you are just lazy.

3. Demonstrate that you not only looked at my pictures, but actually read my profile. Because if you don’t mention why you decided to drop me a note, then I will ask you what you liked about my profile to find out. And you need to have a better answer than “Your pretty pictures.” Women like to be told you find us attractive….but don’t be overly familiar.  Avoid  “Hi beautiful/gorgeous/sexy”- you don’t know me well enough for that kind of talk. Plus, it just sounds like a line.  Like you say that to all the girls. Because I am sure you do. How’s that working for you so far?  Start with something relatively tame, such as how much you like my hair/smile/etc., and save the “Hey, Beautiful,” until after you’ve at least bought me a drink. I’m not going to say that looks and attraction aren’t important, but I also need to know that you think we have things in common, and that you’re interested in getting to know me better for ALL of those reasons. And, you know, if we have a shared interest…then suggest we enjoy it together sometime-easy way to get a date! And if it doesn’t work out at least you spent the afternoon/evening doing something you enjoy. Win-win!

4. Speaking of pictures. Your photos-this is a big one. SMILE! Your profile pic should NOT look like a mug shot! You may think you are super cool looking but all I see is creepy serial killer or gang member, depending on what you are doing with your hands. No photos you took in your bathroom mirror either (or public restrooms for that matter-who does that?). GROSS! Have a buddy take a picture of you!!! It’s not that hard. You don’t have to have a professional photo shoot (I’ve seen that too, and it’s also kinda weird) but just have someone take a few pictures of you where you look nice. Don’t post the pics of you and your buddies half drunk at a bar/party. I will not think it’s cool. I’ll think you are still into living like a frat boy and I’m looking for a grown-up. You should have a nice close up, a picture where you are dressed up and look your “best”, and a picture of how you look everyday. That’s a good mix.

5. Be honest in your profile. Most of these sites give you options to clarify what type of woman/relationship you are looking for, so be honest. But also know that if you say you are on the site for sex, short term dating, etc., I am not going to respond to you. Let’s not waste each others’ time here. If you do claim to be seeking long term/serious relationships, but then email me asking, “What kind of panties are you wearing?” (yes, that actually happened to me) don’t be surprised if you don’t hear back from me. Serious inquiries only, as they say!

I hope these little tips help you, boys. Follow these guidelines and you just might be my Mr. May.

4 thoughts on “What are the chances of me getting to know you?

  1. For as many like you who are on the dating sites to find a real person for a real relationship, there are all of these others that you describe in this post. While it is not surprising to see that, I wonder… do the casual, looking for a simple hook-up members really think that people like you are merely putting up a facade? I mean, surely there are plenty of other women whose profiles reflect their similar hook-up interests.

    Or maybe there really are that many idiots out there in the world.

    • I think there are really just that many idiots. Although I am frequently tempted to reply to one of the idiots and ask what about my profile made him think I’d be open to whatever he’s suggesting, so I can remove it, but I usually resist. Because in addition to idiots, there are crazies, and I don’t want to encourage anyone.

  2. Pingback: Options « accidentallysingle

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