Perfect on Paper

I’ve had a little bit of sympathy for Mr. February lately. Shocking, I know.

Let me start at the beginning. I met a really great guy online-we’ll call him Mr. May. He was smart, sweet, a perfect gentleman. We had tons in common. He knew about the blog, and even read some of it before we went out! Pretty brave, right? We went on two lovely dates. He did nothing wrong. Yet, it didn’t feel right. There was something missing, at least for me.

This is the hard part of dating. When you have a perfectly amazing person sitting across from you, yet you just know that you are not a match. Sometimes, the guy who is “perfect on paper” just isn’t perfect for you.

Such was the case with me and Mr. May. I was getting the impression that he was beginning to feel more strongly for me than I was for him, so I knew I had to end things soon. I could have gone on a couple more dates with him hoping that what was wrong would suddenly go right, but that’s not fair to anyone, since it usually doesn’t work. One of the most difficult aspects of dating is suddenly being responsible for another person’s feelings; especially since it always seems like two people rarely feel exactly the same about each other at the same moments. I’ve been both the person who feels more and the person who feels less, and it is painfully awkward on both sides.

My recent dating adventures have all either ended mutually or with me on the receiving end of the “break-up” (it feels weird to call something that isn’t even an official relationship a break-up, but I don’t know what else to call it). For the first time in a very long time, I had to be the bearer of bad news. Unlike Mr. February, I didn’t crap out on the hard part, although I now remember why it is tempting to just try and pull a Houdini. (It is still inexcusable to do so if you are an adult.) Cue the uncharacteristic bout of sympathy for Mr. F.  I squashed out those feelings, however, by remembering how I felt when he wouldn’t respond to my emails or texts for two weeks, then did finally respond to my Facebook message by promising he’d call me soon (even though we both knew that was notgonnahappen). Then I just felt bad for me (again). No, honesty is definitely the best policy. I really do think people would rather gently hear the (difficult) truth than be placated by empty promises. And as I said about Mr. February at the time- his behavior showed he was clearly more concerned about his own feelings, rather than mine. I don’t want to be that kind of dater.

After hitting “send” on the email I truly hated writing, I did what any girl would do when she feels like the worst person in the world… I went to Target for a little retail therapy, bought Magnum Ice Cream bars and a Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha-with whipped cream, thankyouverymuch. And a Weight Watchers frozen meal- because I understand the importance of balance (and I needed lunch).

Relationships, feelings, dating… it is very messy territory. It’s kind of exhausting. Somebody, please tell me it’s worth it in the end. Unless you don’t mean it… because I only want the truth, remember? On second thought… you can lie to me just this once.

Oh, and remind me next time not to “lead with the blog.”

4 thoughts on “Perfect on Paper

  1. I think it’s fantastic that you did the grown-up thing here by telling the guy how you really felt. I’ve tried to avoid these awkward conversations myself, but it really isn’t acceptable. I can’t tell you how many times I would have loved to hear “sorry, I just wanted sex” or “I still have feelings for someone else” or even “Look, you’re nice, but I don’t think it would work.” Instead, so many guys ignored me, even after I sought an explanation, and left me in the dark wondering what I could have possibly done wrong. It can leave people feeling really insecure when all their dates disappear without a word. Honesty is the best policy for sure.

  2. Pingback: Everything I Need to Know About Dating I Learned from Taylor Swift « accidentallysingle

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