Look, if you don’t like Carly Simon, quit reading this blog right now because we cannot be friends anymore. I mean it.
The amazing Ms. Simon famously wrote about her ex(es) in the song, “You’re So Vain.” Also famously, she’s never revealed the primary source of inspiration for the lyrics, although many have guessed and speculated over the years. My guess is that while she may have had one particular
dud dude in mind, the overall message of the song was more about her experiences with many of the men in her life up to that point.
One of the most frequently asked questions I get about this blog is whether or not the guys know I’ve written about them. And if so, has anyone ever confronted me, or criticized me for something I wrote about them. The answer? No. I have no idea if any of them have seen it. It is entirely possible that some of my “Mr.’s” have seen the blog- either because I told them about it while we were dating, or we are Facebook friends and I generally post the blogs there. If a guy read any of the entries, he might suspect it was about him, depending on how specific I was in my description of them and our interactions, but I’ve never been confronted about it. So either the guys don’t see it, or see it and just don’t care what some girl they used to date wrote about them on the internet. Which is probably the healthy reaction, anyway.
Also, no, I don’t ask permission to write about my dates. Most of the time, I don’t tell someone that I write a dating blog on our first date (hello, awkward). I don’t think I’ve really mastered finding the right time to reveal the blog yet (advice?). And so far, I haven’t written about anyone until things were over, so most of the time the guy is completely oblivious to the fact that y’all will be hearing the story later. If I’m sharing a story that includes one of my friends that I’m not 100% confident they would want shared (like this one) I do ask before I share (or identify anyone in the story). And some of the stories are about things that happened so long ago, I can’t imagine why it would be upsetting for anyone.
Most of the time, my friends and family seem to get a kick out of being mentioned on the blog- I get, “Ooh, what are you going to call me?” way more often than “This won’t end up on the blog, will it?” Ultimately, this blog is mostly only embarrassing for me… While some *cough, cough* of my monthly men may have exhibited less than flattering behavior during our time together, my goal is never to identify or publicly call out anyone. Simply, it is to provide some comic relief to a process that is really, really difficult and exhausting, and give me a little bit of an outlet to vent when things don’t go so smoothly (which is pretty much all the time, as you can tell).
So no, I’ve never been confronted by anyone about their portrayal on the blog. I think I am pretty fair, actually, in admitting the good, the bad, and the ugly in my own behavior as well; no one’s perfect and I am willing to accept my share of the responsibility when things don’t work out. I read this article recently, which points out the obvious- 99% of the people you date WON’T turn out to be “the one.” So it shouldn’t come as some great shock that you may have to go on more than a few dates before you “hit the Powerball.” Dating takes patience (not something I have in droves) and a good sense of humor. Basically, I’m just trying to work with what I’ve got, and I am always glad that you are reading and commenting and helping me along the way.
I bet you think this blog is about you, don’t you, don’t you…