Are You My Boyfriend?

When I got out of college, I found this book at the now-RIP Borders store over by my city’s most esteemed university. It describes in a witty fashion all the “types” of guys out there that you might want (or want to avoid) as your boyfriend, such as the “It’s not you, it’s me Guy” and the “But he has a great personality Guy.” It’s hilarious.

What the book didn’t explain is when you find a guy that has potential, how do you know if he’s become your boyfriend? When does it go from “dating” (and potentially, still dating other people) to “exclusive”? And does exclusive automatically mean boyfriend/girlfriend? What are the rules of “defining the relationship” (DTR)? How soon should you do it? How long can you put it off?

I’m going to take your advice and not write too specifically about Mr. June for the moment. So we’re just talking generally here, ok? Not about me and Mr. June, just hypothetically speaking. Say I’ve you’ve been “dating” someone for almost two months, and I you haven’t dated anyone else, and I’ve you’ve basically stopped checking my your online profile, except to look for funnies for the blog (you know, assuming you are also writing a dating blog). You pretty much talk to or text this person every day, see each other 2-3 times a week depending on schedules, and you’ve started introducing each other to your friends.

So, does all this mean he’s my YOUR boyfriend?

Mr. February sort of pressed me to define things pretty quickly-which I was reluctant to do-and I’m not necessarily anxious to define things in this case, either. I’m not that girl who has to have this conversation right away, but we have danced around the subject a little bit already. I think things are going pretty well, I’m pretty sure he’s not seeing anyone else either, and I don’t really feel the need to bring it up- it’s barely been two months. I feel good about the way things are, and I feel like it is better to just let things happen naturally. But… there are times it would be easier to just know. Like when you are making introductions. It’s a little weird to say, “Meet my friend, Mr. June.” But I can’t say, “Meet my boyfriend, Mr. June,” either, because we haven’t had that conversation. And the first time you say that, it’s a pretty big deal, right? So for now, “Hey, this is Mr. June,” free of any reference to the status of our relationship, is how he’s being presented to my friends and family. Which also seems weird. SIGH…

When does a person you are dating become your significant other?

A certain amount of time passes? You both quit seeing other people? You take down your online profile completely?

When you meet the parents? You have “the talk” and arrive at a formal agreement? One day one of you just says it and neither one of you gets upset?

Is it bad to just want to let everything play out organically?

Part of me once again wishes for the simple days when a boy had to ask you to “go out” with him and you said yes and then he was automatically your boyfriend.

But I suppose I have to be a grown-up now. So tell me, how do you know when it’s time to DTR, and what makes someone your boyfriend/girlfriend?

6 thoughts on “Are You My Boyfriend?

  1. I think the whole “label” thing is stupid. If you’re not seeing anyone else and neither is he, and you’ve been dating for a couple months, then he’s your boyfriend. However, since being called your “boyfriend” is considered a “label,” then if you say it first, it might freak him out (dumb, yes, but I speak from personal experience). So my advice is to just let things go how they’re going, and it’ll slip out sooner or later. 🙂

  2. With my current boyfriend, he was pretty direct and assertive with me in the beginning. There wasn’t much mystery and game playing. After we had been talking for a month and had been on three dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He still jokes that he had to talk me into going out with him. It’s not that I had doubts about him; I just wasn’t expecting the talk so soon. I thought it would have progressed a little more naturally (or maybe I thought things had to be complicated and confusing as they had always been in the past). I’d be ok without the girlfriend/boyfriend label for a little while in the beginning, but too long without it would lead to maybe anxiety or aggravation. I guess everyone has to go at their own pace, and some people are much more comfortable without the label while others aren’t.

  3. Pingback: Something to think about… « accidentallysingle

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