Did you even read my profile? Round 2!

One of my most popular posts ever is “Did you even read my profile?” Since I like to give y’all what you want, here is another selection of goodies that have come into my online dating mailbox, from guys that clearly didn’t read my profile (or maybe they did, and just couldn’t resist writing me anyway). Once again, these are unedited; typos and spelling mistakes belong to the esteemed authors themselves.

Want to get naked and eat zebra cakes? What a lovely offer, but I will have to pass.

Hello my name is Larry im a good ol country boy . I like riding horses,campin,truck & tractor pulls and demo derbys.And i would like too find some one to share that with too Well, Larry, you obviously didn’t read my profile, because I don’t mention enjoying horses, campin, or any of the other interests you would like to share with me. Not even anything close, actually. I don’t even know what a demo derby is.

Have you ever been told how naturally breathtaking & genetically blessed you look ???
Passes une agreable journee [have an excellent day] … in hope to read from you. This may come as a shock to you, but no, I have never ever been told that. EVER. You are the first. But I will thank my parents for the good genes. Hope you are breathing again.

I am Looking for a Down to Earth MATURE woman that earns her wages the right way What is it that you think I do? Do I come across in my profile as someone earning my wages the “wrong” way? What are you suggesting here? Should I be offended?

Hello! So I just joined… and I know I don’t have my profile filled out or anything yet… but thought I’d give this a try and message someone anyway. I checked back on this guy two or three times-because he was kinda cute-and even after like a month, he never filled out his profile. Um, married, anyone? RED FLAG RED FLAG…

And finally-these guys didn’t write me but “checked me out” and I couldn’t help but be amused by their profile answers.

whereismylov answered the question, “What do you spend a lot of time thinking about?” His answer: I spend a lot of time thinking about poor people. His income? Listed as 250-500K. I just found this kind of funny. First, I don’t believe it; second, if you make that kind of money, how about you quit thinking about the poors, and actually find a way to help them out.

Finally… my favorite. Check out this guy- I have no idea why he’s still single (italicized comments are mine, not that you need me to tell you that).

“karma”

About Me: I live by myself, I pay my own rent (who else would pay your rent? your parents? your wife?), I wear socks that match (aren’t you smart) and I love my mom. I am a confident, attractive & comedic person (also, extremely humble).
I do stunt work. Have you ever seen it in a movie when a hot actor has to reveal his naked ass? That’s my job. (I knew I recognized you from somewhere.) Oh, and I’m in the fitness biz, as well as back in school finishing up my pre-med reqs. (What a Renaissance Man. The next McDreamy for sure.)
On a typical Friday night I am: Trying to figure out the major and minor products when 1-bromo-2-propene reacts with potassium tert-butoxide. (Are you kidding me?) Either that or partying like a rock star. (OMG!!! Me too! Soul mates.)
The most private thing I am willing to admit: I wear a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries…and it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good. (Again, I ask, are you kidding me?!?! Is this Tom from Parks and Rec? Jean-Ralphio maybe?)
You should message me if you are:
Sexy, smart, fit and fun. I don’t think that’s too much to ask…lol. (I am writing you as we speak…wait for me, soul mate.)

4 thoughts on “Did you even read my profile? Round 2!

  1. ok, i have some really fun online dating stories. But, my best story is that is where I met MR. Horn after years of traversing the online dating jungle. I just LOVED reading about guys “that looked good in a pair of jeans or a tux.” Really. when was the last time your wore a tux…at your prom 40 years ago. And, I bet you did look good in that blue ruffled shirt–you probably got in her panties that night just BECAUSE of those ruffles. bwwwaaaaahahhaaa.

    The most creepy online read? The guy admitted that his best attribute was that he peed sitting down. no. really. and he was so proud that he had taught his sons how to pee sitting down. He was the perfect match for me.
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  2. Pingback: The Man Market? « accidentallysingle

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